|Big hole: I'm not digging this......|
It's freezing cold.
The perfect time to start digging up the gas mains and replacing all the pipework.
Season's Greetings from Northern Gas Networks.
Oh, one more thing, there'll be no gas for the next two days.
You didn't need central heating or hot water, did you?
Not our problem, I'm afraid.
|Inconvenience? What inconvenience?|
Oh, there is one more thing.....
You don't need the car, right?
You'll struggle, because we've just dug an enormous hole right behind your vehicle, neglecting to inform you first, thereby denying you a chance to move it.
Not that it matters much.
Even if the car could be moved, there's nowhere to drive it.
The street looks like a plastic fence convention and there are holes everywhere.
It's like post-invasion Iraq out there.
You'd require a 4x4 to negotiate that little lot.
The one thing that could make things a little more unpalatable for us: a little light illness.
So here it is, thrown in for good measure, nothing serious, but just enough to complicate an already-challenging situation.
Leave The G alone for more than a minute and she looks as though she has been dunked, head-first, into a barrel of snot.
The B is full to the brim with Calpol, although from time to time, his temperature shoots right up and he gets the shivers.
In such situations, we cuddle him tightly, making the most of his warmth given that he has become the household's number one heat source thanks to Northern Gas Networks and their unique brand of festive cheer.
Still, to look on the bright side, I don't think they'll be here much longer.
You see, the man outside, after much dicking about on his little digger, just pulled up some gas pipes, scratched his head for a minute or two, and lit an ill-advised cigarette.
I'm starting to think they're not taught anything at Gas School these days.